oh christmas..

for most people, christmas/advent time is when people get together with their families and friends and all that.. but i don't know why.. i don't usually get into the christmas mood all that quickly, if at all. for most, this is a time of celebration, and perhaps anticipation of the already and not yet. i guess for me, it's more of a time for solitude, or pretty much. i guess i am in anticipation.. but it feels different for me than what i see.
i think that one way that i feel is that of the Israelites at the time, i feel like that there's silence from God, and i'm waiting for the Messiah to come save me.
i'm like one of those shepherds, just sitting there doing my thing, pretty much segregated from the world, just me and my sheep. i just don't see that star yet. i want to see that star. maybe i'm blinding myself from it when it's right in front of me, or it could be other things blinding me. i know that it's there, i just don't see it.
i saw "the nativity story" last week. i like the themes they covered. when i saw the face of one of the shepherds, i wondered how it would've been to have been there, as a shepherd boy, seeing a bright light in the sky, with a loud booming voice, proclaiming the coming of the Messiah. would i follow or just sit there and think it's a dream? it probably would've seemed like such a dream even if i go. just imagine, the Messiah, the Son of the Most High God, in flesh as a small defenseless baby.
the infinite God is restricted to 3 acts: eat, sleep, and poop.
i know that He's in my heart, yet i'm waiting for Him to come and rescue me..
oh how interesting...