do they not like me?

well. i encountered an interesting phenomenon today. at one point there were only 5 people on my msn list that were online. for some people this may not be such a surprise. but it is for me. most days, i get at least 30 or more people online. many people have laughed at the fact that at any moment while i'm online, there could be up to 60-70 people online, i'm probably talking 1, if any.. i wonder about this myself at times. do i really know this many people? do they know me? i could probably point out and identify each person, though they may not be able to remember who i am.
i think a good number are just friend of friends, and might've lost me from their lists, and i did not delete. and others are probably old accounts of the some of the same people.. so i might not actually know 233 people online.. i know that there are some people that actually use multiple accounts..
oh wow.. as i'm typing this, the online list just went down to 4 for about 30 seconds..
well.. i don't really know what this is leading to.. when i started, i thought i was going somewhere with this.. oh well..
i guess.. your contact list doesn't really show how many people you know.. and that how many people you know is the not the most important, but how much do i know about the people that are closest to me.. just because a person is close, doesn't mean you know them. that all depends on each of us to decide..
one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite bands, The Lovesong (http://www.myspace.com/thelovesong)
"too many friends will lead to no close friends"

oh christmas..

for most people, christmas/advent time is when people get together with their families and friends and all that.. but i don't know why.. i don't usually get into the christmas mood all that quickly, if at all. for most, this is a time of celebration, and perhaps anticipation of the already and not yet. i guess for me, it's more of a time for solitude, or pretty much. i guess i am in anticipation.. but it feels different for me than what i see.
i think that one way that i feel is that of the Israelites at the time, i feel like that there's silence from God, and i'm waiting for the Messiah to come save me.
i'm like one of those shepherds, just sitting there doing my thing, pretty much segregated from the world, just me and my sheep. i just don't see that star yet. i want to see that star. maybe i'm blinding myself from it when it's right in front of me, or it could be other things blinding me. i know that it's there, i just don't see it.
i saw "the nativity story" last week. i like the themes they covered. when i saw the face of one of the shepherds, i wondered how it would've been to have been there, as a shepherd boy, seeing a bright light in the sky, with a loud booming voice, proclaiming the coming of the Messiah. would i follow or just sit there and think it's a dream? it probably would've seemed like such a dream even if i go. just imagine, the Messiah, the Son of the Most High God, in flesh as a small defenseless baby.
the infinite God is restricted to 3 acts: eat, sleep, and poop.
i know that He's in my heart, yet i'm waiting for Him to come and rescue me..
oh how interesting...

Here we go..

well... here we are... another blog/network site for me.. i decided to start this up because i'm tired of just thinking of a single thought at a time, then quickly dismissing them. i know i have a xanga site, but that really only works for readers who are asian or affliated with asians, so i'm here to broaden it out a little. plus, i've pretty much left my xanga site to die, even though i'm titling this site the same as my xanga.. oh well.
i wonder where this journey will take me, because it's definitely been a few years since i've blogged on a regular basis..
so, Here We Go!!!